You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
