Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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