I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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