Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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