Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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