Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
