85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
