I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
