I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
