would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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