Already got asked if we're dating
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
