I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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