just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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