2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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