Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
