You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
