You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
