hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
