we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
