Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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