He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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