Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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