At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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