yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
