this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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