Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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