I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
