if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
