it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
