I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
