Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
