u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
