I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
