If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
