So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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