i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
