So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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