wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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