cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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