Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
