He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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