Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She's the barista slut.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
