Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
