I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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