Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
