i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You took a bar mat shot.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
