They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
