It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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