Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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