I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
BRING THE BAGELS
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
